It Was All a Dream

This post contains spoilers about Breaking Dawn: Part 2. 

A friend and I went to see the last Twilight movie, Breaking Dawn: Part 2, on Thursday night. Although we have both read the Twilight series–a few years ago, to the point where we don’t quite remember details–we’re not fans of the series, per se. We have a little tradition, where we go to Times Square, buy tickets for whichever theater on 42nd Street is playing the Twilight movie, and then go eat barbeque and get slightly tipsy before going into the movie.

Watching those movies with a buzz is the best way to see them.

As usual, the movie was entertaining in an unintentionally funny way, with some of the most wooden but hilarious acting and cringe-worthy dialogue.

Also, many lessons on how NOT to write a story.

For example, you know that old adage about minor characters becoming more interesting than the protagonists? Completely true for Breaking Dawn. The Volturi, played by Michael Sheen (my friend and I clapped quietly whenever he came up on screen), Jamie Campbell Bower, Dakota Fanning and others, are by the far the most entertaining characters on screen. They are interesting, powerful, have presence and you know, can actually act.

Also, a climax.  As in, it’s important to have one. The big storyline through the series is Bella and Edward, the danger of her knowing about the Cullens and whether or not she will finally become a vampire. In the last movie, Bella is a vampire and the tension of the story hinges on the Volturi and their belief that Renesmee was a human child turned into a vampire by the Cullens.

A large battle commences as the vampires face off. Carlisle Cullen’s head gets snapped off by Aro and the theater went, “Whoa!” in unison. Did not happen in the book. Tension, finally.

But then…”it was all a dream.” Or a vision. The big cop out of writing, a great way to get out of a corner. The battle was only a possibility about what could happen. So, as in the book, nothing really happened.

You know what writers say about stories in which nothing happens? Ugh! No conflict. Boring.

All right, writers. Fess up. I know you’ve read Twilight. Have you seen the movies? What did you think of this last installment?

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